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Sunday, 1 March 2009

Awful Films

Every couple of weeks i'll give you an update on all the awful films I watch, so that you don't have to. I don't intentionally go out of my way to watch rubbish films but not everything i look forward to watching turns out as great as i first imagined!

Cries and Whispers - This is an abysmal Swedish film about a woman and her sisters struggling to cope with her illness. Most of the film we just see her in bed screaming and moaning in pain and it really put me off my cheese and cucumber sandwiches. Avoid unless you really like Ingmar Bergman's other films.

The Mutant Chronicles - Ron Perlman and John Malkovich starring? Doesn't sound like a bad film at all. I've seen better special effects in Masters of the Universe though, i think the only people who would enjoy this film probably are mutants themselves.

Keith - Keith! What can i say about this? I think the name says it all really, why on earth did i bother to watch a film called Keith? Serves me right.

Gone Baby Gone - I was disappointed when it was given a limited release in the UK due to the story closely resembling the real life events of Maddie Mcann's disappearance. I shouldn't have been though, what a let down. Not completely rubbish but just your average boring drama.

In The Mouth Of Madness - John Carpenter's horror films are mostly awful. The ones that are outstanding are few and far between and this was just daft. The best bit was when Sam Neill was driving along a road and drove past the same cyclist about seven times but each time he got older. Very scary that was John. Cheers for that.

Ghost In The Shell - At the time it was considered groundbreaking, the ideas behind the film might be groundbreaking, it was a major influence behind the matrix after all but the film in general was terrible. I think the only people who will enjoy this film are geeks who enjoy seeing cartoon women naked.

My Name Is Bruce - The Evil Dead and Bubba Ho-tep are two of my favourite films but i couldn't even sit through all of Bruce Campbell's latest effort. Even his huge chin couldn't save this pile of steaming dog turd.

The Big Sleep - Does exactly what it says on the tin, put me to sleep. The only reason I watched it was cause it was in the IMDB top 250 and i think the people who gave it a 10 must have voted on the basis of how good their snooze was while this film was on.

Tenebrae - Very daft italian horror from the 'master of suspense' Dario Argento. I've seen more suspense in an episode of Eastenders when Robbie Jackson's dog Wellard went missing. It was the first Dario Argento film i've seen as well so it will probably be my last.

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