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Sunday, 15 March 2009

Awful Films II

Doubt - I cannot believe that rubbish like this gets nominated for Oscars, it's basically Meryl Streep and Phillip Seymour Hoffman arguing for two hours. Meryl thinks that Phillip has touched a young black child. We never find out if he actually has or not and to be honest, i couldn't care less.

Synecdoche, New York - Another awful film starring Phillip Seymour Hoffman, is this the start of a pattern? This is a big confusing mess. I had high hopes as the director has been involved with modern greats such as eternal sunshine and being John Malkovich but this film gets lost up its own arse hole.

They Live - I don't really know why i watched a film where the main character is played by Rowdy Roddy Piper of WWF fame but i did. It was an awful sci-fi action flick but there was one line i really enjoyed; 'i love kickin ass and chewin' bubble gum, and i'm all out of bubble gum.' You tell those bad guys roddy!

The Mist - Frank Darabont and Stephen King collaborations are generally winners, Shawshank redemption and green mile being two of my favourite films. This was a disaster. Loads of big tentacles attacking a mall while a religious nutter causes riots in the supermarket. About as scary as a day out at Llandudno.

The Burrowers - A horror film set in the wild west? Would have been a brilliant idea if it hadn't been done before with ravenous, and also it would have been brilliant to use a creature that didn't resemble a giant crawling turd.

Sleuth - Let's put Laurence olivier and Michael Caine in a house for two and a half hours both playing devious tricks on each other. Erm, no, lets not because that is a daft idea and would make for a really boring film.

Billy Madison - We all have irrational likes and dislikes of certain people, i cannot stand Adam Sandler. He's in this film. To be honest though i think it would be awful even if he wasn't in it. I can gladly say that i didn't choose to watch this either but was forced to sit through it - never again.

Watchmen - Okay, i'm lying, it isn't awful but its just another film that's been overhyped and is a case of style over substance much like Sin City or Constantine. I decided to go and watch it at the IMAX as i had never been before and i must say i'm glad that in this world we have the technology available to watch a larger than life blue penis dancing around a gigantic screen for the best part of three hours. Watchmen is worth a look, just don't head to the cinema expecting too much.

1 comment:

Joe said...

Ha Mist was terrible but, if I remember correctly, the ending was hilarious. Y'know when he murders his son and all that just before the troops come in to save them... Maybe just me who finds it funny...